2002-12-22 - 4:48 p.m.
Stretching my roots
I think maybe Thanksgiving should come after Christmas - that way everyone won't be stuck when they're sitting around grandma's table and asked to say what exactly they're thankful for... um, all the mashed potatoes I can eat...? It�s hard to share such an intimate thing with a whole table of people � sure they�re your family, but how well do they really know you? Would they really understand what it is that you value in your own life? Would they judge you for it?
If you're so thankful for what you have, then why is getting more a month later so important?
Christmas is only a few days away, and the gifts that I will receive, though I know they will come from the heart, and I will appreciate the thoughtfulness of them - how do they compare to the unplanned, spontaneous, or goofy gifts that I am given throughout the year? How do I explain to my family that whatever they get me, whether it be practical and useful, or sentimental and sappy, that it�s hard to compare them to the random bits of beauty that I�ve been so lucky to see and experience and the bits of my every-day life that make me happy:
chocolate chip cookies being baked for me just because they�re yummy� the sunrise - driving down the coast on highway 1, going back to santa cruz after one of my mini �vacations� with Snugglis� the new flower for the week that one of the mom�s at the school I work for brings me every Monday morning� my boss never seeming to mind that I am almost never on-time� the way the ocean behaves after a huge storm� alternatives for latex (believe me, it�s beautiful)� rainbows against a magnificent landscape� being appreciated for who I am� grabbing a bite to eat or just a quick chat with a good friend� longer, meaningful conversations� real friendships� love� seeing unexpected acts of kindness � gifts given not because schedule demanded�
And watching the way my life has unfolded � like a sprout popping up in a dark cold place, being uprooted and mercilessly trimmed and pruned while being given mulch and fertilizer, trying to hide myself behind a rock while at the same time reaching for the sun, then being planted in the middle of a field full of flowers and nettle, not knowing what the difference was� learning which flowers have the most beautiful scent, and which are in bloom almost constantly, and which are spectacular in color but only for one day; which ones will try to strangle my roots while bathing me in their soft petals and sweet fragrance, and which ones will nurture my own growth simply by being near� Eye am in bloom.
So I will thank my mom for the pretty thing, thank my dad for the practical thing, thank my sister for the cool thing, thank my aunt for the generous thing� and I will feel guilty again for not feeling as grateful as I think I should � as I do just to be alive.
