June 19, 2003 - 6:40 p.m.
Weep, until the dawn breaks that you are free.
I'm sitting in my room (which will no longer be my room in one week.) I'm listening to my niece sob. There's nothing I can do, really. I can't give her what she needs and wants: her mother's love. A little kindness, a little awareness. My sister just had surgery on her wrist, she's all doped on vicodin and pot. My sister's friend dropped off my niece a few minutes ago - my niece holds a bouquet of roses behind her back, waiting to buy her mother's love. My sister takes them, looks at her friend, and says, "Did you buy these? Oh, thank you," and gives her a hug... and not my niece...
My heart brakes every day that I'm here. I will be gone so soon, and I feel so guilty leaving my niece in this house with an emotionally void mother and a "tough as nails, thick as stone" father-figure... There are worse things, yes. And my niece will be a beautiful person, even growing up with such harshness. She craves someone to let her love them, and someone who will love her back. I just pray that she doesn't try to find that with men too soon... But who's going to stop her? How else is she to fill the void left gaping by her neglectful mother and absent father? It can't be me, and that makes me sad and angry.
