January 08, 2004 - 8:34 p.m.
It's not late... It's 11 months EARLY!!!
Here is Santa Lou on Santa Con Day.
Picture very much courtest of PlanetMargot.com
I think I remember who Santa Margo was... Tee hee! I was a drinkin'!
Oh, but poor Santa J... His tummy was missing those cookies and milk dreadfully...
January 08, 2004 - 7:43 p.m.
Ok, this is a long one...
With the whole advent of blogs, it's pretty easy to keep tabs on people, even if you haven't seen them in years... But not everyone has them...
I can't imagine that anyone out there has lived a life without wondering what happened to all of the people that have come and gone from it... There's different levels to it, to be sure. Some people just wonder how you're doing, out of curiosity, out of fond memories surfacing one day, out of jealousy even... But I think it's funny that there is a saying of "the one that got away" and that everyone knows what that means, more or less...
I wonder for how many people I am that "one"...
Every once in a while, some random person from my past calls my dad to ask about me... He's had the same phone number for 30 years, so it's easy to track down. I like to imagine what they felt like when they call him. I imagine some guy thinking about me one day, then looking up my number, finding my dad's, then going back and forth about whether or not he should call... "What if she's there? What if she's not there? What if her dad answers? What if I get the answering machine? What if she's mean? What if she's nice? What if she got into a horrible car accident and is in a coma?" All this amuses me to no end. Hee hee hee hee hee hee hee.
The bottom line is really this: I have been mean to very few people in my life, so just make the damn phone call - it's always nice to hear from people. And you never know - I may have been wondering about you too... But I may make you wait a few days in suspense first. Mwwwwaaahahahahahahahahaha!
Anyway, back to the whole "one that got away" thing... My dad has an interesting version of this:
This one time at band camp (no, I'm not kidding) he fell in love with a girl. They were like 13. Twenty years later, they met again through mutual friends, and he was reminded of the kind of woman that he had always dreamt of. Alas! They were both married with children, and, besides, he had never told her of his feelings, and doubted that she ever felt the same... Another twenty years pass... He is now long-divorced... He is touring with a classical choral group in Europe, and she is on the tour as a member of the orchestra. He gets to know her again, becomes enchanted by her again. But my father, you see, is not bold. He never even asked if she was still married - just assumed so. The conversation was never more than the beauty that was around them, or music. It's my guess that he just didn't want to spoil the fantasy (it'd been in his mind almost his entire life!) He must've debated with himself to no end... "How can I find out more? What if she thinks I'm being rude? What if she is happily married beyond belief? What if she's not? What then? What if she is interested in me? What do I do with that? But she's probably not, and I'd be so embarrassed..." And so, the tour ended. He has seen her on occasion over the past few years, and it is always lovely. But, you see, she remains his perfect fantasy. When he came home from that trip, he began to think about her a lot. He tried to sum up everything that he was so in love with... And he began to think about himself. "If I am ever to be with anyone like her, I had better become the best me I can be." And so he started to grow. He started indulging his mind in what interests him (music, science.) And, then he found her: the only woman I've ever seen my father get googly over. She's a science teacher, and a musician and a singer. If anyone is perfect for my dad, it might just be her. And they even have occasion together to run into Ms. Fantasy - and they all delight in eachother's company. And my father is content to see her happy, and to be happy with the real, true, and wonderful woman that he is with...
My father's "one" was never supposed to be really his except in his mind... His "one" made him a better person, and led him to the real One.
Pretty cool, I think.
So I don't mind being someone's "one." I am more than willing to make a difference in someone's life just by living mine the way that makes me happy, and sharing it, like postcards, with them.
January 07, 2004 - 8:02 p.m.
I think I have a fever
I owe it to my reflection
To give it life
To give it meaning
To give it an image worthy of its echo
I owe it to my soul
To give it depth
To give it energy
To give it a host worthy of its company
I owe it to my heart
To give it warmth
To give it joy
To give it a body worthy of its beat
I will...
