February 24, 2003 - 5:43 p.m.
Momentumous
Soooooooom how's it going? Well, it's going... I'm just not sure where.
Confusion reigns as I ponder the next "steps" out of all of the things I've been wanting to do my whole life... I'm retarded, that's for sure. And I'm still testing the damn waters everywhere I go. Why can't I jump into anything? Afraid of getting wet? Naw, that's not quite it...
I want to be of use to myself. I want to accomplish things for me that I've accomplished for/in others. But where to begin? Where's the magic fairy dust to lead the way? What dreams do I strive for and what do I hold onto but only for dreams' sake? I don't want to be a muse again... I want to inspire myself.
I really could do anything. I could make it happen. But it's like I'm a kid lighting a match for the first time... Scared to death of burning my fingers, and what if sparks fly and catch something on fire - hovering over the toilet so I can throw it in as soon as it lights... I flush my dreams down the toilet, just like the damn match.
Well no more!!! I'm goin for it. Don't ask me what "it" is, because it takes time to make the transition...
