March 03, 2003 - 8:36 p.m.
Normal
My tests came back normal today: normal!
After a year of tests and procedures, minor surgeries... My body has decided to let me work again. No more holding back for worry of my health. I can go where I want, throw myself back on track, and the first thought in my head doesn't have to be: "but I don't want to change doctor's again..." I'd told myself that my health was the only thing stopping me - I want to prove myself right.
I can't describe the relief I feel. I was sitting at my desk at work, and the doctor's office calls: "Your results came back, and it's all normal."
I thanked her, put down the phone, lifted my hands in the air (in triumph?), then let them fall, along with a few tears... All of the anxiety and worry, and fear, and anger over the past year - the source is gone. But I can only release so much in one moment... I'm breathing again. Everlasting sighs...
What does this mean? Well, it may not be over completely, but I may have seen the worst of it... or even the end... I can only hope...
Ahhh. Sigh. Again.
I watched such beauty along the coast on my drive to work this morning. I have so much to be happy about right now. So many things to make me smile. I think I feel my spark igniting again. Ever so slowly, gently, I will nurture it... don't burn out, don't burn up, but burn... and keep burning, let the warmth consume the shadows in my heart and mind.
The only relief I need... Now, I'm ready...
