April 10, 2003 - 10:09 p.m.
And from the rubble...
so, my sister now knows i'm considering moving out... we had a really huge fight today. she tells me i need to learn how to "get over it" which for her means smoking a bowl every 20 minutes, popping a pill, poundin a beer...
Am I crazy? Am I retarded for not getting stoned or drunk every time I have a bad day? Am I really just being naive? Is everyone else happy because they do what I don't?
I just don't think so...
I'm sick of being told not to let the world effect me so much... Do the people around me really want me to be more callous? Do they want me to be cold and shallow? Is it sooo bad for me to be who I am? So what - I'm a squishy sponge - I don't have a good defense against negativity... I don't want to get better at ingoring the bad stuff - I want to get better at having less bad stuff in my life.
I'm working on it. I'm working hard, every day. And while it seems that some things are falling apart - I can only see it as the crustaceous lichen crumbling from the raw pink fleshy me underneath.
I know, without a doubt, that I can not save everyone. I am sad, but I am free.
