January 22, 2004 - 6:18 p.m.
Outta my head.
So I left work early yesterday. I called in sick this morning. I'm not sure if I am really sick or not, but I feel like shit, so isn't that good enough?
So I went to a job interview this afternoon. And I feel horrible. I think I could get the job if I wanted it, but now I'm feeling guilty. It feels like I'm cheating on my lover or something. It's awful.
I am way too honest for this world. I'll never get anywhere if I can't put my own wants and needs first. Damn it! I didn't grow up in a religious household my any means, so why do I feel the intense urge to go to confession?
January 20, 2004 - 8:48 p.m.
my lovestory
so if i can't count them on one hand does that make me a whore? what if i was simply born wanting it a little more?
i weigh the ones i'd like to erase versus the ones i'd still embrace. so far, my ratio tells me i'd make a lot of the same choices again.
every one brought me closer to myself, even if it was a long way home. i am now who i should be, and as i've always been. i will soon be me again and again and again.
and i have the love that makes the pieces fit. the trials and errors help me see the truth and beauty of it. he makes my heart burst with song. he doesn't punish me for being wrong. he loves me for who i am and how i am and what i am, and i him. i know that his is the path i was meant to join, even if i had to earn a few bruises on the way. this is purity. this is beauty. this is goodness. this is life. this is love. and i had to find it this way or not at all. now that i've found, there's no chance of losing, what is this real.
