March 08, 2004 - 11:19 p.m.
goodnight moon
i wish i had that book to read all of a sudden.
March 07, 2004 - 11:13 a.m.
alright, alright
i think it's time to start looking up again...
i've been staring at my feet while I walk, looking toward the bottom of every situation...
perspective shift, please...
it's kind of funny that i know the moment i switched out of my i-don't-know-how-many-month-long-depression... i was jsut on the bus one morning and i realized that i was ok again... that i wasn't going to cry at the drop of a hat... that i was starting to see through whatever veil i'd pinned up...
this is good... i guess the trick here is that i must figure out how to never go back to those places in my brain where i feel like "if i only had a cliff to jump off of..."
i had a very good last few days:
a (what seems like it might have been) productive conversation with my love, and lots of snoodling...
shopping with michelle, my belle... we both got some goodies!!!
then last night i ended up going with boris to a bar-hop-thingy for deren's (sp?) birthday... i dug the birthday boy's outfit. i was thrilled that jenny was in attendance, and had a marvelous time in general... [must steal more of jenny's time for fun-making...] i ran into two lovely ladies i remembered from santa con and talked to them about coming to SF for lepra-con, which sounds like a lot of fun!
March 06, 2004 - 3:03 p.m.
have you ever even seen me?
I wish you'd share with me what you see...
I love me. I like me. I am proud of me. You love me, but why?
I want to know that the person I choose to be with values the same things in me that I value in myself... I want to see that all the reasons I am special are not only recognized, but appreciated...
That's an expression of love that I haven't received from you... either because you don't know how, or your view of me is really that limited - to thinking that the only thing that sets me apart from any other woman is the fact that we fuck... that's not love - that's sex.
I want both.
February 29, 2004 - 2:43 p.m.
Bit off course, but of course
My nose is cold and drippy... I wish the sun would come out... Being cold is so painful for me... Maybe I was burned at the stake in a previous life - so that now I can't get warm... Or maybe I really should just live closer to the equator - but I've never travelled anywhere I'd rather live, even though I think our pretty little country is going to hell in a handbasket...
Maybe I'll become a political activist - put me in the hot seat - then I'll warm up...
February 12, 2004 - 2:10 p.m.
best/worst valentine's memories
I think the best Valentine's Day I ever had was when I was in 7th grade... I was the new kid in school, and after a school dance we hosted where other schools attended too, this adorably and sweet philipino guy named "flip" decided he wanted me to be his girlfriend... He made me a t-shirt, and got me candy and a furry animal covered in his cologne... It was so sweet - but alas! We were just 12 and lived way too far apart, and being that I was living with my aunt at the time, I was barely allowed to talk to boys!!!
A tie for the worst:
I was a vegetarian for ten years. No ands, ifs, or buts - my only exceptions were dairy products... I was with a guy for 2 years, and for our second valentine's day together, he took me to his favorite steak house. no joke. it was such a meaty place, they didn't even have salads available. wow - what a guy, huh?
2 years later - my boyfriend of a year or so and I were breaking up - he was moving out (and in with someone else.) Whoopty-doo!
Hey cupid, why don't you draw back that bow and shoot yourself!!!
Valentine's 2004: yet to be determined.
February 12, 2004 - 12:01 a.m.
worlds apart
"i don't believe in the valentines fairy or whatever"
yeah - whatever.
February 11, 2004 - 11:09 p.m.
toothache
so my mouth got raped again today... needles and drills are bad enough , but the pressure it puts on my jaw makes it so i can't chew for a few days, and it hurts for longer... poop.
I really don't like the smell of burning bone - which is what it smells like when they are drilling away at my teeth - teeth that then decide to crack a few days later because they are angry at me for putting them through such torture... I need a new mouth - and maybe one that always knows what to say and how and when would be nice too!
